She was so in love. Any idea she thought she had about what that meant prior to now had been a horrible misunderstanding. Every time she woke up and saw the disheveled curls strewn about on the pillow next to hers she felt like she had won the lottery. Some mornings she would curl her body into his as close and tight as she could possibly get without actually being inside his skin. It didn't matter how awkward or uncomfortable the position was or if it caused her to become hot or cold. Every time he exhaled she inhaled trying to catch his very breath. If he opened his eyes and saw her his lips immediately curled up and he pulled her even closer into himself.
He had asked her to marry him on the third date and as badly as she wanted to say yes she simply couldn't. Her heart had been broken too many times to jump into something so final. She saw the disappointment in his eyes the moment she brushed him off as being silly and many nights thereafter she wished she had responded differently. Part of her feared she wouldn't have the option for a redo, and every time he kissed her goodnight she hesitated hoping he would ask again. He was everything she could have dreamed. From the moment they met her life had become a cheesy romantic comedy in which everything falls perfectly into place and kisses always conjure butterflies. The only difference is that neither of them had screwed up. It was like the first 45min of the movie on repeat.
He had asked her at the very last minute to head upstate and meet his parents. She couldn't possibly say no, and the moment she got off work on Friday she practically jumped out of her coveralls and into her most flattering sundress. They decided they would take his car, a 32 Ford roadster, because summer had just settled in and the weather was perfect for a ride up the coast with nothing keeping them from the wind and sun. He picked her up around 4pm and they started on the ride to Monterey, CA. They played silly games where he would pick one word and she would have to come up with as many songs as she could that had that word in it. They listened to both music and silence. She rested her head on his shoulder and took in the beauty of what had become her life. They stopped and ate dinner around 8pm. They still had a ways to go and she was already feeling exhausted. Almost as quickly as they started moving again she fell asleep, wrapped up in his navy blue work jacket.
********
It was a struggle to open her eyes and every time she managed a peak she was blinded by light. Her body was heavy and stiff, she couldn't life her arms or move her lips to cry for help. She thought briefly that she must be having a bad dream and willed Jacob to shake her awake and tell her everything was okay, but he never did. She fought through the struggle of her eyelids wanting to remain closed forever and opened them only to see perforated ceiling tiles and flickering florescent lights. She couldn't move her neck to the left or right and had no idea what was happening around her other than that she heard someone yell for a doctor. A doctor. She was in a hospital. JACOB! Was he there? Was he beside her holding her hand and she just couldn't see or feel him? She tried to speak but nothing came out. She realized she had a breathing tube and began to panic.
"Where is Jacob? Where is Jacob?! He was with me, we were driving, he was driving we...." she stammered frantically having difficulty finding the words she needed to ask questions.
"Calm down Betty. Calm down, we will explain everything but you need to focus on breathing right now," responded the middle aged woman who stood beside her bed stroking her hair.
Her hair. Her hair. She had no hair. The woman's touch was so distinct and obvious she knew there was nothing keeping her from literally petting her scalp.
"You've been in an accident dear. You are very lucky to be alive, but I am afraid I cannot say the same for the person driving the car."
She lost her breath.
"It is August 25, 2008, you have been in a coma for almost 3 months."
She felt the heat of tears rolling down the sides of her face.
"You suffered massive brain injuries and frankly it is a miracle you are understanding a word I say."
She blacked out.
***
The moment she opened the door to her apartment she smelled him. His "Live Fast Die Young" jacket was thrown over the back of the sofa and his coffee cup from the day of the accident sat half full on the coffee table. She wept for days unable to move from her bed. The world felt like it had fallen away and she was the last one standing, trapped in her tiny apartment full of nothing but memories. Over a week had passed as she lay on her side staring at a stack of car magazines on his side of the bed. She couldn't take her eyes off of them and before she knew what had happened the whole lot of them flew across the room. Terrified she jumped from the bed and ran to the bathroom not knowing what to do. Did that really happen or did she imagine it? Did she make that happen? She was losing her mind. She quickly ran out to the living room and looked around. She had never moved his jacket from the sofa and she stared at it from a few feet away. It slowly lifted itself and hovered before falling back onto the seat cushion.
It was her. Something had happened. She was not the same.
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